The Sanctity of the Marriage Bed
The marriage bed
must be kept undefiled, as the apostle says, that is, it must be kept
free from impurity and other profane, filthy uses. Holy wedlock was first
instituted in the earthly paradise, where as yet there had been no
disorder caused by concupiscence nor immodesty of any kind.
There is a certain resemblance between sexual pleasures and those taken
in eating. Both of them are related to the flesh but because of their
animal vehemence the first are called carnal pleasures without qualification.
I will try to explain what I cannot say about sexual pleasure by what
I say of the other.
1. Eating is ordained for the preservation of individual lives, and just as eating solely to nourish and maintain one's life is good, holy, and a duty, so also the act requisite in marriage for producing children and increasing the human race is a good and most holy thing for it is the principal end of marriage.
2. Just as eating not merely for the preservation of life but to maintain the mutual association and consideration we owe one another is an extremely just and virtuous act, so also mutual, lawful satisfaction of both parties in holy matrimony is called a debt by St. Paul. is a debt so great that he grants neither party exemption from its payment without the free, voluntary consent of the other. This holds even in reference to exercises of devotion, as I pointed out in the chapter on Holy Communion. How much less can there be self-exemption on the score of some fanciful pretext of virtue or out of anger or disdain?
3. Those who eat in order to maintain friendly association with others must eat freely and not as if compelled to do so and must show an appetite for their food. So also the marriage debt should always be paid as faithfully and freely as if done in hope of having children, although on some occasion there may be no such expectation.
4. To eat for neither of the reasons given but merely to satisfy our appetite may be tolerated but not commended. Mere pleasure in satisfying a sensual appetite cannot be a sufficient reason to make an action praiseworthy but it is sufficient if the action is permissible.
5. To eat not merely to gratify our appetite but in an excessive and inordinate way is something more or less worthy of censure according as the excess is great or small.
6. Excess in eating does not consist only in eating too much but also in the time and manner eating. It is a surprising fact, dear Piloted, that honey, which is proper and wholesome food for bees, may still become so harmful to them as to make them ill at times, for instance, when they eat too much of it in the spring. It disturbs their stomachs and sometimes even causes death, as when they get too much of it on the front of their head or wings.
In fact, marital intercourse, which is so holy, virtuous, and praiseworthy in itself and so profitable to society, is nevertheless in certain cases a source of danger to those who exercise it. Sometimes it causes their souls to become seriously ill with venial sins, as in cases of simple excess. Sometimes it effectively kills the soul by mortal sin, as when the order appointed for the procreation of children is violated and perverted. In the latter instance, according as one departs more or less from the appointed order, the sins are abominable in greater or less degrees but they are always mortal. Procreation of children is the first and principal end of marriage. Hence no one can ever and lawfully depart from the due order that this end requires. This holds true even at times when conception cannot take place because of some condition or circumstance, as when sterility or pregnancy prevents it. In such cases sexual intercourse does not cease to be a virtuous and holy act, provided the rule of generation is followed. No accidental condition whatsoever can change the law that the principal end of marriage has imposed. Certainly the infamous and execrable act committed by Onan within his marriage was detestable in God's sight, as the holy text of Genesis, chapter 38, testifies. Certain heretics in our own times, a hundred times more deserving of condemnation than the Cynics st. Jerome speaks about in his commentary of the epistle to the Ephesians, have been pleased to say that merely the perverse intention of that wicked man offended God. Scripture positively asserts the contrary and assures us that the act he committed was itself detestable and abominable in God's sight.
7.It is an infallible mark of a wayward, infamous, base, abject, and degraded mind to think about food and drink before mealtime, much more so to delight ourselves later with the pleasure we had in eating, keeping it alive in words and imagination and taking delight in recalling the sensual satisfaction had in swallowing those bits of food. Men who have their minds fixed before dinner on the oven and after dinner on the dishes served do this and such men are fit to be scullions in the kitchen. As. St. Paul says, "They make a god of their bellies." People of honor never think of eating except when they sit down at the table. After dinner they wash their hands and mouth so as not to retain the taste or odor of what they have eaten. The elephant is a huge beast but of all animals living here on earth it is the most decorous and intelligent. I give you an example of his chastity. He never changes his mate, has a tender love for the one chosen, and couples with her only every three years. This is only during periods of five days and so privately that he is never seen in the act. When he appears again on the sixth day the first thing he does is to go immediately to a river where he washes his entire body, as he does not want to return to the herd until completely cleansed. Good, modest habits in a an animal of this kind give us an example for married people. They should not keep their affections fixed on their vocation in life. When they are over, they ought to wash their hearts and affections and purify themselves from them as soon as possible so that afterwards they can with calm minds practice purer and higher actions.
In this counsel is found the
perfect practice of the lofty doctrine St. Paul gave to the Corinthians.
"The time is short... it remains that those who have wives should
be as though they had none." According to St. Gregory, a man
has a wife as if he had none if he takes bodily consolation with her in
such wise as not to be diverted from spiritual demands. What is said of
the husband holds also for the wife. "Let those who use this world
be as though not using it," says the same apostle. Let everyone use
the world according to his vocation, but in such manner that he does not
fix his affections on it and remains as free and ready to serve God as
if he did not use it. St. Augustine states, "It is man's great evil
to desire and enjoy things he should merely use, and to desire to use
things he should only enjoy." We should enjoy spiritual things but
only use corporeal things. When their use is turned into enjoyment our
rational soul is also changed into a brutish and beastly soul.
I think I have said all I need to say to make myself understood without
saying anything I did not wish to say.